Elle in the Ville

It’s been awhile, sorry! I know I promised for the new year I’d be better about this, but lay off me I’m trying okay? So, since I’ve been a recluse and hiding, I thought I should show the reasons why I have been MIA. 

Recently I have been on a make up/skin obsession. Literally I cannot watch enough youtube videos on contouring/highlighting, flawless foundation, winged eye liner, DIY masks, getting rid of black heads….okay you get the point. Hi, I’m Elle and I’m a YouTube addict. SO here are the following things I have been watching/ buying/ stalking. 

Ready GO:

1) Wayne Goss Make Up artist. Holy Wow. Seriously obsessed with everything about this guy. His videos are short, sweet and to the point. He has great make up tips. I die for him. Seriously. Any make up I want to do or try, he breaks down, step by step, and makes it super easy to follow. He also lists his products in the description. New videos every 3 days. Cue Rachel Zoe MAJ.

http://www.youtube.com/user/gossmakeupartist

5) EOS Lip Balm. Thank you Jesus. Finally, I found a chapstick that I can actually wear without breaking my face out, or filled with something I am allergic to. Hello Eos. You have saved my chapped winter lips! Love that it comes in a sphere, great flavors and scents, not waxy. Comes in a pack of 4! DIE. 

6) B Barre Boot Camp. HELLO BURNING AND SHAKING. Longest 60 minutes of my life. Everything hurts, everything burns and everything is shaking. Without the nasty gym and bulk weights. 

7) Biotin. Not so much working for my hair, but my nails, have never looked better!!

8) My Black Bow dress. Purchased from Chartreuse Boutique. I have been drooling over this dress since it was first posted. Thanks Suz :) 

9) LuLu Lemon No Limit Tank. I can’t even afford this but I stare at it online and hope for it to go on sale. Seriously It’s so perfect and not to mention ridiculously cute. Working out, holds the girls, and it’s functional. I dream to own one of these some day!!

10) LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAST but certainly not least,  cheap knock off jewelry. Forever 21. BOOM. Good stuff

OKAY those are what is keeping me busy. Hope you enjoy them as much as I do. BYYYYYYYYYYYYE 

XX00 love

So every year we all make new year’s resolutions. We want to lose weight, manage money better, be a better person, find a better job etc. I am no exception. Every year I try to make myself a promise that I’ll get back into shape and start a healthy lifestyle. And every year I fail miserably. By the 3rd day I’m usually hung over, scarfing down fries and draining a diet coke to make my hang over go away. Thus the vicious cycle continues. 

BUT! (And this is a huge but, I mean, Kim K style huge!) I’ve vowed to change my lifestyle and so far it’s been working. As of January 1st, I signed up for boot camp at B Barre! 3 days a week (Monday, Wednesday and Friday) I head to class and get my ass kicked. I absolutely LOVE IT. B Barre has changed my whole perspective of working out. It’s a combination of yoga, pilates and a ballet bar. It’s small pulsing movements that fatigue the muscle until your body shakes and muscles burn! They focus on all the problem areas for us girls! Hips, butt, abs and thighs! But they don’t disregard bis,tris, back and everything else. It’s seriously the best work out I’ve had in awhile. 

I also am trying to eat clean. Rather than going out and eating out, I’m trying to go to the grocery and buy good, healthy foods. You know the usual: fruits, veggies, salads etc. I’ve also started using my iPhone for a lot of help. I use the my fitness pal app to track how many calories I’ve consumed and how many I have left. 

On my off days (Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday) I’ve been trying to go to the gym and get in about 30 minutes of good cardio. Mixing it up with treadmill exercises, ellipticals, walking/running intervals etc. Sundays are my only day off. UNLESS I missed a work out in which case I make up for it. 

I swear I can already tell a difference. I have way more energy, I feel better, and my self confidence is coming back! I know I just started but I’m really looking forward to seeing my progress. At the beginning of camp they took our measurements, in 6 weeks after boot camp is over they measure us again. I’m really looking forward to seeing the changes! 

I’ve also started a healthy regimen of vitamins: Biotin for my hair, nails and skin, and a multivitamin for everyday! At 23 it’s time to start taking care of myself! 

Condo Update: My condo is slowly coming together, just need to finish up the guest bedroom and buy a few more pieces and I’ll be content. I’m really into vintage art and sketches right now. At Zgallerie I purchased 2 vintage sketches of barbie that are to die for. Seriously obsessed with them! I have a few more projects and I think I’ll be able to lay off it and quit spending money!!! 

Writing update: I’ve decided if I really want to take my writing seriously I need to start keeping up with my blog more. So I’m going to put a really good effort into writing a new blog at least once a week! I’ve also decided that I should start looking into grad schools. I found a program that offers a masters in fine arts creative writing and I’m really interested in it. So I’ll have to keep you updated on that as well! 

Job: Still working for my dad (bless his heart) but due to the new taxes and such, I will probably be looking for a second job soon. Just so I can cover my mortgage, car payment, utilities, HOA fees, groceries and all the other things that it includes in being an adult. 

So this year 2013 is going to be a year of changes! I’ve got a lot to look forward to and a lot of opportunities. This year could get really crazy and I’m thinking it’s going to be awesome!

Stay Tuned!

-xxoo

New Year’s Eve, the biggest, over hyped, let down, EVERY YEAR. Seriously. I feel like the higher your expectations are, the more intricate your plans, the more money you spend, the bigger the let down. You get all gussied up, spend way too much money on plans, and usually the nights ends with a total meltdown of epic proportions or you end up wastey faced, in the middle of downtown, trying to hail a cab, that are no where to be found.

So this year, I’m taking a different route. As of 12/27 I have ZERO official plans. Yes, I’ve thrown out some ideas, and have a few projects in the works, but nothing concrete. Why you ask? Because, let me tell you why.

Last year: Roomie and I at the last minute decided to uproot ourselves and head to Nashville on a last minute whim. While I have no real complaints, it was a pretty solid weekend, the night was rather ridiculous. Somewhere around 3 when the bar closed and we were walking around downtown Nashville in at least 5 inch heels, looking like hot messes, jacked up to Jesus hair, trying desperately to find a cab that would take us to our ‘host’s house’ (btw she bailed super early leaving us all to find our own way around Nashville… hmm) I ended up sitting on a curb at a major intersection, freezing my bum off wanting nothing more to go home, sleep in MY bed and spoon with my doggie. That I would chalk up to a interesting experience.

So the rest of this long blog somehow got deleted but the moral of my story is this… New Years Eve sucks. Always has, always will. Not going to NOLA, have zero plans to root for the cards, or gators.I don’t want to buy a sparkly dress and look like a disco ball. I have zero interest in getting schwasted for $329384092 that I don’t have…

Urrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrg make it go away.

Now, before you go and get your panties in a bunch, I’m still the sarcastic, witty, foul mouthed human being I’ve always been. So take a Valium and calm down. I’ve just decided to kind of switch directions in which I want my blog to go in.

I’ll still post all of my rants and raves about things I love and things I want to punch in the face, but I thought I might also do some fun things. For instance, did you know I happen to be a make up and hair guru? Maybe I’ll start posting tutorials on here about how to look like a Kardashian minus the skank look. Wait, isn’t that an oxymoron? Hm, I’ll get back to you on that one.

Here’s the update on my life, I’m still a tree hugger, but the vegetarian route didn’t exactly work out. No one was shocked. However, I am a tree hugger in this sense— I use vegan products for my make up. Maybe I’ll post my favorite products after Christmas or something. After doing a lot of research I found out there is more make up out there for leapers like me rather than just bare minerals. Wahooo for the skin-challenged humans!

I’m still working for my dad, bless his heart, he thinks I actually might be getting the hang of this whole corporate nonsense. But, in exciting news, I picked up another job at Louisville.com writing as a society contributor. Basically I get to go to some really cool events and write about them, oh and get paid. Score. Guess that English degree is actually effective in that aspect. It’s a pretty cool gig I gotta admit. I basically party and bullshit and get paid to write about it. Perfection.

Let’s see what else, oh uhhhh I moved. Into a condo, like a big girl. Or I am at least pretending (really well might I add). Mortgages suck big time but hey, I own the damn place so if I want to paint everything neon yellow and stick posters of my little pony on my walls, so be it. I earned it. I also am living alone (unless you count Callie, my pup). It’s amazing, after years of roommates since college, living alone is so damn peaceful. If I want to walk around nakie while watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer, so be it. I can do it because nobody can tell me any differently.YAYA!

Christmas is rapidly approaching, if we don’t all die tomorrow (12/21/12) I am really looking forward to it, I think. Family time is awesome. We have this awesome tradition of going to mass on Christmas Eve, coming back to my parents house, eating a huge meal, then getting rip roaring drunk. My father does the 12 days of Christmas, LIVE. Let me tell you, it is life-altering. Such a classic. After a bottle of two of wine, and a few Manhattans, the 12 days of Christmas complete with gestures and props, is highly entertaining. Then Mama gives us 1 Christmas present, usually Jingle Jammies (we all act shocked, as if we didn’t know we were getting them, just like every other year), she escorts us up the steps and finally into bed where we pass out with visions of spinning walls dancing in our head.The next morning (CHRISTMAS, AHHHHHHHHHHH!) I wake up with a large hang over, and the diet coke fairy comes upstairs to throw my big ass out of bed. It’s a beautiful thing.

Ummmm let’s see. Oh, I almost forgot, I met the most amazing man in the whole world. He puts Christian Grey to shame. He’s sweet and caring, and smart and funny. He gets my sense of humor and oh he’s just wonderful!!! 

HAHAHAHAH Just kidding. I’m still single, sitting at the kids table at Thanksgiving and making that’s what she said jokes whenever the opportunity arises.

xxoo

-Elle

So after some extensive research I’ve decided to go tree hugger status. IE I’m going vegetarian and I’m not longer using products that have anything to do with animals.  Most people would be doing this for humanitarian efforts, ya know they want to save the animals (shout out to PETA on this one) or they do it for religious reasons. Well, not me. No I quite enjoy eating animals, in fact I’d say I’m a HUGE supporter of this. How can you possibly enjoy pizza without pepperoni? I mean come on, that’s the best part! I can’t imagine that a veggie burger could EVER be better than a real one. Hello, it’s so good even Jimmy Buffett wrote a song about it… “I like mine with lettuce and tomato, Heniz 57 and french fried potatoes…” you get the point.

So why am I doing this you ask? Well I guess you could say for health reasons. I’m allergic to Carmine and Lanolin. What the hell is that you ask? Good question, because for the past 23 I myself had no idea what these items were until my face decided to hate these things and break out into hives whenever they are close to my face.
Carmine (as defined by the oh so reliable Wikipedia): also called Crimson Lake, Cochineal, Natural Red 4^[1], C.I. 75470^[1], or E120, is apigment of a bright-red color obtained from the aluminium salt of carminic acid, which is produced by some scale insects, such as the cochineal scale and the Polish cochineal, and is used as a general term for a particularly deep-red color of the same name. Carmine is used in the manufacture of artificial flowers, paints, crimson ink, rouge, and other cosmetics, and is routinely added to food products such as yogurt and certain brands of juice, the most notable ones being those of the ruby-red variety.

Basically it’s nasty red beetle shell that is used in a lot of make up products. Especially my beloved MAC make up (RIP fabulous Lip Glass, you served me well). Even the fabulous Walgreens brands such as Cover Girl and Loreal have carmine in them. So I’ve been reduced the clear lip gloss from Neutrogena. From fabulous MAC to drug store lip gloss. I’ve been downgraded. Did you catch the part about it being in yogurt and juice? Ew!!!! I guess Poinsettias are out of my near future (champagne and cranberry juice).

Lanolin, once again I’ll refer to my handy dandy Wikipedia for a definition:German, from Latin lāna, “wool”, and oleum, “oil”), also called wool wax or wool grease, is a yellow waxy substance secreted by the sebaceous glands of wool-bearing animals. Most lanolin used by humans comes from domestic sheep.Lanolin and its many derivatives are used extensively in both the personal care (e.g. in high value cosmetics, facial cosmetics, lip products, etc.) and health care sectors. It is frequently used in protective baby skin treatment and as a treatment for sore nipples in breastfeeding mothers. Okay that’s just disgusting. Wool wax, but hey it can’t be in that many products right? WRONG! It’s in things like Aquaphor, high end eyeshadow such as NARS, and Maybelliene! Concealer- again Maybelliene and Benefit Cosmetics. Styling Gel, lip stick, lip gloss, lotion, facial powder, blush, hair dye, eye liner, face moisturizer, body wash (Yes that includes DOVE!!) mascara, shaving cream, hair spray—dying, soap, and on  and on and on. 

Add this to the list of metals I’m allergic to and you’ve got a rip roaring good time. FALSE. I’m allergic to just about everything under the sun and it’s getting really annoying. Now, before I even touch something, I have to first read the label and make sure that I’m not going to have a skin melt down and look like leper.   I know I know I’m being dramatic, there are starving children in Africa, got it. But listen, you’d be a little salty if every time you touched the wrong thing, whoops your face, especially your chin/nose area turns bright red and begins to have huge bumps that don’t go away from weeks at a time. Call me vain but it’s hard to cover up with make up and it’s a real downer for your self esteem. 

So? What have I done? I’ve become a hippy. Well, kinda. Basically if it’s not organic and it’s not something that comes from the ground, I’m going no where near it. I’ll still wear make up, shower, and do what I usually do, but in a more careful and cautious way. I’ve done a lot of research on products I can and cannot use. I’m simply staying away from the ones I know are bad (even though they are extremely tempting) and sticking with the ones I know won’t harm my skin. I guess it’s kind of a good thing, in some weird sense, I’m finally listening to my body and what it’s been trying to tell me. It’s a pain in the ass to look at labels, spending 20 minutes in Walgreens trying to find a lip gloss that isn’t going to give me hives. But I’d rather do that then have to call my dermatologist, schedule and emergency appointment, pay $50 for a copay (thanks insurance, you’re a real big help), have him prescribe me Predinsone, a steroid, and hand over more cream. Good grief it’s exhausting. 

Hello Aveeno, I’m Ellen, I’ll be keeping your business from going under for the next 70 years. You’re welcome!

xxoo

Well, lately I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, and I’ve decided to answer a question that I get asked on a fairly regular basis. Not only from friends and family, but also from random people that I’ve had the unfortunate task of talking to. There are a million reasons why I’m single, literally the list goes on for days. Not because I’m a crazy, psychotic, clingy bitch. But rather because I’m stubborn, refuse to settle for ridiculousness and I’m having way too much fun doing what I want to do. 
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not anti-relationship. I’m not saying that at all, I guess what I’m trying to imply is that I believe I’m single for certain reasons. Most girls see these things as negative, where I tend to see them as positive things. In fact, if I could find someone who could just party and bullshit with me, hell, I think I’d propose to him and buy him a damn ring (I might even let him wear the big white dress….) I believe being single is a choice there are a million reasons but here are my personal favorites. 

- I’d rather hang out with my dog and deal with her shit rather than deal with a man and his BULLshit.

- I like to sleep on my own side of the bed, alone. DO NOT TOUCH ME. I’m a big fan of personal space. I’m not a spooner, never have been, never will be. Sorry I’m not sorry?

- Call me a feminist but I’d much rather get drunk and crazy with my girl friends then try to impress a group of guys who are more interested in a bitty named “Bud” last name “Light”.

- I’m 23 and don’t feel like I am capable of committing to anything long term. I even have small anxiety attacks when signing cell phone contracts.

- I have a low bull shit tolerance, it tends to blow up rather easily. 

- I know the difference between a Nickel and a Dime package, when it comes to football, please shut your mouth, I know what I’m talking about.

- Other than grammatically correct English, I speak 2 languages very fluently: Sarcasm and Profanity.  If it offends you, by all means, walk away because if I’m being honest (and I’m nothing if not brutally honest) I’m not going to apologize for my potty mouth.

- I’m loud, often obnoxious and tend to not give a flipping care about what you think of me. Please plan accordingly.

- I refuse to hold my tongue, talk shit about my family, friends, religion, alma matter, or anything I care about, and I’ll show you crazy.

- I refuse to be someones other option. If you didn’t pick me, your loss, I’m not going to be second best. 

- I give a shit, I care about my friend’s feelings and when something happens to them, I don’t care what’s going on, I’m going to drop what I’m doing and take care of them.

- I pick “hoes over bros” any day of the week. 

- I have a lot of good girl friends, if they don’t like you, tough shit, it’s not going to work. 

- I drink whiskey or bourbon on the rocks, no vodka or frufru drinks for me thanks. If it usually comes with an umbrella, I’ll pass.

- I don’t forgive easily or forget. .

- My head is permanently in the gutter, seriously, I can make anything sound dirty. So my maturity level? Probably on par with a 14 year old boy, watch what you say around me, I’ll snicker at any innuendo. 

- I think “That’s what she said” if delivered correctly, is hilarious. I don’t care who you are.

- I’m old fashion, I don’t think you can find love in a bar, online, over Facebook, or after a drunken one night stand. 

- I don’t believe you have to kiss a lot of frogs until you find a prince, all this means is that 1) You kissed frogs, and that’s just weird 2) It’s the definition of insanity to do the same thing over and over again and expect different results. 

- I’ve seen too many of my friends change after getting a boyfriend. I like who I am, and I don’t want to change into someone who is dependent on another person. Other than my Mom, now there is one solid, stable, human!

- If you don’t get my humor, you won’t get me.

-I think it’s crazy to date anyone North of the Mason Dixon line.

- I think my dad is the greatest man I’ll ever meet.

- I’m republican, and an extremely conservative one.

- I’m an extreme patriot, the 4th of July is the greatest holiday on record, if you disagree, you can leave. In fact, take everyone like you, with you.

-I can’t cook to save my life, hell I’m barely capable of feeding my damn dog and that mess comes out of a bag.

- I let a few assholes ruin my self esteem. No really, I couldn’t have picked any worse than I did. 

- I have the greatest guy friends in the world, and they’ll stay that way…as my friends. So if you don’t like them? Well chances are they don’t like you either. So I guess that solves that problem doesn’t it?

- My biological clock, is NOT ticking, in fact, I’m fairly certain that if I ever did hear it, I’d just go ahead and hit ‘Snooze’ and check back with it later.

I think that pretty much sums up why I’m single. At 23 I don’t feel the need to constantly have a guy in my life. My parents could careless about grandchildren (God Bless them), I’d rather drink on a Saturday night than go on a date, and no matter how hard I try I don’t think I’ll ever be able to look someone in the face, who is clearly lying to me and not raise one eyebrow and cast a judgmental look. I’m not apposed to dating, nor am I a “man eater” as I have been called before. I’m sure some day in the distant future I’ll be able to con some poor bastard into marrying me, but until then, for the love of God, can I please just do whatever the hell I want with no one to answer to?

Another fabulously, feministic, frenzied rant about girls who change for dudes. Maybe some day “Feminism” will be cool again?

Until then…

xxoo

It’s that girl who drives you absolutely crazy. One week she’s madly in love and devoting her facebook page to her new sweetie, filling her status with <3s and obnoxious country love song quotes. Then shockingly, out of the blue they break up to which she then switches to sad faces and Adele lyrics. But alas two weeks later, she’s in a new relationship and couldn’t be happier. Excuse me for being single but ummm what’s wrong with you? Have you ever heard of being single and staying that way? Give yourself some time to break, shake off the bad karma and well uh be by yourself?

Why is it such a bad thing to be single these days? Why is it that if one relationship ends, it suddenly has become a competition of who can rebound the fastest and win the break up war? I personally blame Angelina, Brad and Jen, but that’s just me. We all know those girls who literally have not spent one day single since they were about 13. The tend to follow that motto of “when one door closes, another door opens” well clearly this applies to guys as well. Seriously, where do you find all these guys, and how the hell do you lock them down that quickly?  I buy a pair of shoes and let them sit on my shelf for at least a week before I decide that I really want to wear them! 

Along with changing guys every season, this girl also has multiple personalities, that, go figure, tend to change with whatever guy she’s dating. For instance, let’s say “Grace” is dating “Sam” and “Sam” is into MMA. So you call “Grace” one night and ask her if she’s busy and wants to grab a drink, she, having this new wonderful boyfriend tells you “Oh, I can’t Sam and I are going to Bws to watch ___________ fight that night” Ohhhh, (the in a condescending voice) “He’s our favorite fighter”. UHHH what the ever-loving-hell are you talking about? You have a favorite fighter since when? And what do you know about MMA? Can you even tell me what that stands for? Are you out of your damn mind “Grace”? You’re blowing me off for something you know nothing about? To me that’s the equivalency of you telling me that you can’t go out because you’re suddenly into Quantum Physics. Again, something you know nothing about nor are you interested in. 

She’s also “that girl” who will break up with her boyfriend 23894723849710283947 times and get back together 1293029384719803547 more times. Because if she’s being honest, it’s easier to be with him then to be alone. 

Does she really want to be married? Is that it? She’s dying to settle down and play house? Is that her goal and life? Well if it is good God don’t tell any of the women who protested to get her the right to vote. Sheesh, I’m sure they are just turning over in their grave with excitement for her. I bet she also went to college to get her MRS degree which these days really lasts, considering our divorce rate. Hell, she’s probably going to be married and divorced at least twice (I hope she has a good attorney she’s going to need it). Also does she have Daddy issues? I’m sure someone could assist your with that, maybe, I don’t know, A PSYCHIATRIST? 

Quit doing this dumb shit like but not limited to:
Moving to another state for him, going to the same college he is rather than the one you want, bailing on your friends to hang out with him/his friends, suddenly owning a gaming unit, not being able to form a sentence without his name being involved, turning into his DD every weekend, using words or phrases he does, and calling and “checking in” (he’s not your dad in case you’re confused).  

Chicks like this not only piss me off but give feminism a bad name. To these lovely females I’d like to say this:

“Bitch, get a hobby, not a man. Grow a pair and figure out what the hell you want before you starting gloming onto a guy who tells you what you want. Why are you in and out of a relationship  every other week? Can’t you find one you like and hold onto it? Do you have that bad a case of ADD? He’s not an iPhone for God sakes, a newer, upgraded version isn’t going to come out in 6 months and make you change your mind. By the way you’re pissing your girlfriends off every time you blow them off, oh wait you don’t have any? I’m shocked, no really I am. You’re 20 something you’re never going to get this time back, you have the rest of your life to be June Cleaver. So chill out and be “young, wild and free”. 

“YA-YA”

xxoo

2011 was a year of fashion highs and lows. However as we kick off the new year let’s step our fashion game up. I’m really on my soapbox today so proceed with caution! There are some trends that have come about that I personally, would like to see go. Here are my top 10 that I could go without:

1) Feathers. In your hair, Seriously? The whole point of highlights is for them to look natural and enhance your hair color. I myself am a bottle blonde and proud of it. However, your bright blue feathers are not a natural color. No one has natural peacock colored hair, unless you are indeed a peacock. So, please, I beg you, cut them out. It can’t easy having feathers in your hair anyways, how can you shower and run a brush through that mess? Take my advice and ditch them, immediately.

2) High waisted jeans.Come on now, they’re called MOM jeans. No one looks good in them unless you are 5’11 and about 100 lbs with legs longer than Mississippi River. LET THEM GO. Stick to normal rise jeans. Please, give yourself at least 20 years until you throw on MOM jeans and ruin your child’s life.

3) Chunky heels. Why ruin a perfectly great shoe with hideous chunky heels? Do you really think this looks good, with anything? The answer is no, always has been, always will be. Give the Spice Girls back their shoes and go buy a pair of stilettos.

4) Crimpy hair. If anyone watched the Grammy’s last night, you know what I’m talking about. Katy Perry (with blue hair might I add, looking more like Marg Simpson) crimped her hair. Isn’t it bad enough what we put our hair through? Straightening it, blow drying, and dying. Why not turn it into a hot mess by adding a crimp to it? Uh no. If you’re going to do anything with your hair, do something that doesn’t look light it came out of a bad 80’s rock video. My mother (bless her heart) calls it “gra-fuzz” meaning that it looks both “greasy” and “frizzy”. 2 words that should never EVER describe a person’s hair.

5)Sequins. Lay off. Less is more. Unless it is New Years Eve or an award show (which I highly doubt anyone of my lovely readers is attending…), lay off an entire dress covered in sequins. Not only are you causing temporary blindness to anyone who looks at you, you are also mimicking a disco ball. Not cute. Plus you are putting your skins life at risk, you are risking a nasty case of chaffing.

6) Ombre Hair- Case and point Khloe Kardashian. All this look tells me is that you are lazy. You got tired of spending money on keeping your hair adequately highlighted and let your hair grow out. Dark roots with bleach blonde tips screams I can’t afford to dye my hair anymore so I’m going o-nat-ur-al. Schedule an appointment with your hairdresser immediately. I mean it.

7) Peep Toe Booties. You have just defeated the entire point of a boot. One: a boot should be long and cover most of your calf and shin. It should stop shortly underneath your knee. AND COVER YOUR TOES FOR GOD SAKES. Boots are winter footwear for a reason. No one wears boots in the summer because they’re too hot. Why ruin a boot and and a peep toe? What do you need ventilation or something? And if you are going to wear these, don’t make it worse by adding zippers and cut outs, it just makes your foot like it is in a cage.

8) The Snooki poof- No one’s hair should be that high. You’re ruining not only the atmosphere with all that damn hairspray but also adding about 6 inches to your height and not in a good way. She lives on the Jersey Shore, is about 4’10 and needs all the help with height she can get. I love big hair, (hello, I am from the south after all) but she’s just making big hair look awful.

9) Leggings as pants. No, they are not pants, they are leggings, to go underneath your clothes to keep you warm during the winter months, or to go underneath a skirt or a dress that is too short for the time of year. It is not okay to wear leggings with an over sized t-shirt to class or out in public for that matter. And, to make matters worse, (if you follow this particular plan) you’ve probably paired this outfit with Ugg boots. Therefore giving yourself kankles and leaving nothing to the imagination about the shape of your legs. Plus it’s freezing out, put on some damn clothes.

10) Abbreviations. Really? How hard is it to type out every word in a text? Stop leaving out the vowels and adding odd punctuation. I as an English major am appalled at how we have butchered the English language. Stop saying “LOL” because honestly, are you really laughing out loud? Quit this crap immediately: “Rly?”, “Cuz”, “nd”, “Prolly”, “Thx”, “K”, “Your/You’re”, “Aight/ight”, “idk”, “Idgaf”, “Smh”… What is wrong with you? You already have carpal tunnel from texting might as well finish the rest of these words. Honestly it’s unreal the facebook statuses and twitter posts I read. Half the time I need a translator to get through the damn message before I realize what these people are bitching about.

So, my wish for 2011 is that we step our fashion game up. Let’s draw inspiration from the roaring 20’s or the fabulous 50’s rather than the nasty hippy boho 70’s and tragic 80’s. Start 2012 out by cutting the feathers out of your hair, deflating your Snooki poof, dye your hair one solid color, crack open your 7th grade grammar books, and get back in touch with today. Leave the AIM lingo in 90’s where it belongs.

—xxoo

Okay it’s been a long time since I’ve written a decent blog so here is my attempt at one. Since I’ve been MIA here’s what’s occurred- Kim K files for divorce after 72 days, (shocking) Coaches at Penn State apparently have a hard time keeping their hands to themselves, and finally Missouri joined the SEC (their not even below the Mason Dixon line but okay I guess…)

Now, as for my rant session which I know you all have been dying to hear. If there is one thing that absolutely annoys me almost as much as poor grammar, it is incorrectly calling your spouse or significant other by a pet name. Here are some of the worst:
Baby- You are not their baby, they did not birth you therefore they should not be calling you baby. It’s just weird.
Babe- Reminds me of a pig.
Sweetie- Sounds a little patronizing if you ask me.
Babygirl/Babyboy- Seriously do I need to add anything here? It’s ghetto and once again you are not their child or parent.
Love- Love is a thing, not a name.
Boo- Are you kidding me? You are not Boo Radley from To Kill a Mockingbird.
Any food name- Honey (sometimes spelled as Hunny, Hunnie or Huni sometimes Hun for short - all incorrect) Sugar etc
Then there are the absolutely ridiculous ones:
Soul mate, lover, prince charming, ace, cheif… what the hell are these names about? Seriously who calls their Boyfriend that and more importantly what guy sticks around to be called that?

You were given a name at birth by your parents for a reason. If they wanted you to be called “baby” they would have named you that. Unfortunately for you, they didn’t so let’s all start calling each other by the correct name. It’s bad enough that we have multiples in the world (IE Kaite, Sarah, Brittany/Britney) let’s not make it worse but adding Baby to it. God only knows what would happen if you were out in public and your BF was across the bar and you yelled for him… “Baby” who would turn around and think that you were talking to them. #Awkward

When I see people’s facebook status that read “Snuggled up next to my baby” I immediately start looking for preggo pics or ultrasounds (way too much sharing these days on Facebook). I don’t actually think you are referring to your significant other. For some reason this trend has caught on rather quickly and is extremely annoying.

Do you really think that your mother when you were born thought to herself “I’m going to name him Patrick so that his future girlfriend could call him baby”. The answer obviously being “NO”. Bless your Mother’s heart she actually thought she was naming you something that you would like, and be respected for.

But then on the flip side, maybe using a nickname is a good thing. Maybe you are so awesome that you are dating multiple people and name them wonderful things like “Sugar, Baby, honey, Love” so that you don’t call them the wrong name and mess up you’re whole game. If that’s the case then, watch put for when “Boo” meets “babe” you might be in for a show down (good luck to ya on that one).Or maybe you’re dating a famous Actress’s son or Daughter who really did name their child something that ridiculous, if so then by God call Apple by her given name (I hope Apple is a girl by the way).

Nicknames are supposed to be fun. Or a way of shortening your name if it’s too long (JD, AJ, TJ etc) It should also (in my opinion) reflect something about you as a person or personality. Like my sister for example, shes extremely short so she has been nicknamed “Wee”— to me that makes sense (however I also don’t see her as a babyface or Love Muffin but that’s just me).

So the moral of the story, whatever your name is on your birth certificate, please please PLEASE go by that name. Or if you really like being called baby, have it changed legally to it.

—xxoo