- 6 months ago
“I don’t like girls”… if I’ve heard this once, I’ve heard it a million times. I’ve never thought of myself as a feminist. Let me start off by saying that. Yes, I hate the stereotype that women belong in a kitchen and not in a boardroom. That 1920’s bullshit is for the birds. Women could rule the world. But one thing stops us; Each other. Carlton (yes from the RHOBH) said it best; “Women could rule the world, if they would only get out of their own way”. Every woman compares herself to the woman next to her. But rather than admiring her for her style, strength, personality etc, we cut each other down and immediately look for reasons NOT to like each other. In a perfect world you’d see a girl walking down the street, well-dressed, in shape, perfect hair, gorgeous make up, smiling and think “wow, that girl looks great, she seems really happy, I wonder where she got that dress?”. But no, instead we think “She must not have kids, who the hell has that much time to spend on their hair?”, “Sheesh, it looks like Crayola gang banged her face she’s got on so much make up” or “Skinny Bitch”. My question is this: FOR WHAT? Why do we do this to each other?
I myself am guilty of it, I’ve done or said those things, I certainly have passed judgment and made snarky comments in my head, or even out loud for that matter. Here’s what I’ve come to- lately I’ve noticed there has been what I like to call some “Girl on Girl Hate”, and it’s got to stop.
“Girl on Girl Hate”: Looking at another female’s life and passing judgment because you either disagree with what they’re doing, don’t understand where they are coming from, or are jealous.
Where does it come from?
Well, here’s one obvious answer, the media. Ever notice how no matter what a woman is doing, whether it’s winning a Nobel Peace Prize, being awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor, or winning The Pulitzer Prize, everyone has a comment about her looks? Their talent, skills, or brain have absolutely nothing to do with the assessment. No, more importantly it’s how does she look. The media has decided that the beauty of a woman can come in many forms, as long as that form looks like a celebrity. But even they are criticized. Kim Kardashian? Ass too big, gained too much weight when she was PREGNANT, lost her baby weight too fast, wears too much make up, she dyed her hair blonde? Trying to look like Beyonce.
*Note: I’m not a Kim K fan, but she’s constantly in tabloids with ridiculous articles like “Kanye won’t look at me until I lose the weight!”. Man, that shit has got to get old, fast.
Anyways, my whole point of that Kim K rant was “Why”. Why are we doing this to each other? Who cares what her hair color is? Who cares if she’s lost her baby weight fast enough?
Why are we focusing on these stupid, minute details? Why aren’t we saying “Good for her, she looks happy and healthy.” PERIOD. STOP TALKING. Don’t say another word. None of this “Well, yeah I could do that too if I had a personal trainer, and a gym in my house and a personal chef cooking every meal for me!”.
It’s this mentality that gets in the way of us women, and it is getting progressively worse. We just keep going after each other and tearing each other down, rather than building one another up. When we do this, we give the world permission to pass judgment on our physical appearances, thus opening the door for criticism of ourselves. Kim K gained 60 lbs during her pregnancy? God forbid you do the same thing while pregnant, and then get offended because someone says the exact same things to you. It’s a boomerang affect. What you throw out into the universe, you get back, and women are throwing some pretty mean, and awful things out at each other. But when it comes back to us? We’re shocked and get our feelings hurt.
I could go on and on and on about this for weeks, months, years even. But I’m not going to, we all get the point. Girl on girl hate has got to stop. So here’s what I’m going to suggest: (myself included)
STOP: The ‘Mean Girl’ Mentality.
- And listen to Salt n’ Pepa “None of your Business” next time you want to call a girl a “slut”, “whore”, “skank” etc. Because guess what IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
- Seeing girls as your competition. Start seeing them as your inspiration.
- Talking shit behind each others backs. You have a problem? Go confront it head on. 99% of the time, the he said/she said is what the problem really is.
- Being judgmental. Don’t throw stones when you live in a glass house.
- Paying attention to what others think about someone, make up your own mind, based on your own experiences.
- Being insecure. Easier said than done, bringing down someone else, is NOT going to make you feel better about yourself. Period.
START: Compliment each other and mean it!
- Like a girls boots, clothes, purse? Rather than staring at it and making a nasty comment about how it “must be nice to have someone buy her that”. GO ASK HER WHERE SHE GOT IT!
- Like a girls make up? Ask her what product she uses, if she got it done, ask who/where she went.
- Like her hair color/style? ASK HER WHERE SHE GETS IT DONE, OR WHO SHE GOES TO.
- Checking a girl out (don’t act like you don’t) and notice she’s in great shape and want her killer arms or legs? Ask her what gym she goes to, or what her exercise regimen is.
Bring back the Girl Power mentality! Lets build each other up and learn to appreciate each other!
When I started this blog, it started out as a scathing response to the daily posts about what people are thankful for. It also was a response to this trend of skipping Halloween and Thanksgiving and heading straight to Christmas. Every time I turned the radio on and heard Christmas music, an overwhelming amount of rage would course through me. I’d think to myself “WHY ARE PEOPLE SKIPPING THANKSGIVING? STOP GLORIFYING CONSUMERISM MASKED AS CHRISTMAS! BE THANKFUL BEFORE YOU ARE MERRY! WHAT’S WRONG WITH PEOPLE TODAY”. However after the Xanax kicked in, I returned to my normal temperament, I realized that rather than being angry and bitter about this, there is a lesson I can learn.
That lesson being, be thankful everyday, not just in November or on Thanksgiving. So I’ve complied a list of things that (I think) we can all be thankful for, everyday.
1. Freedom. There was a time when freedom wasn’t an option. It was given to a select group of people who deemed themselves superior. Today, while we still struggle with this idea of everyone being equal, everyone is free. I also remember that this freedom comes with a price, millions of men and woman have given their lives so that I may enjoy this right. It is something I often take for granted because I fail to realize its importance.
2. Family. Whether blood related or not, it makes no difference. After a trying year, full of triumphs and failures, I realized family is the only thing I really have in life. Family is not necessarily a brother or a sister, but the people who at the end of the day have your back no matter what. They are the safety net you have cast for which you land when you jump.
3. Food. What you choose to nourish your body with is completely up to you, and no one else. The fact that there is a grocery store, not even a mile from my house is a blessing. Access to a store full of groceries, ready for you to pick up and prepare with little to no effort.
4. Water. Clean, purified water, that comes directly from a tap in the kitchen. 3.4 million people die each year from water related diseases, and yet there are still people in the world who have no access to clean water. I cannot imagine not being able to take a shower, wash my dishes, do laundry, etc. Again, something I take for granted because it has become an everyday thing for me.
5. A roof over my head. Tonight, as 60 mile and hour winds and torrential downpours occur outside, I am fortunate enough to be sitting inside of my house, safely. With the winter season headed our way, freezing temperatures will soon be a nightly occurrence and I have a warm place to stay, every night. Protected from the elements and my own sanctuary to decompress. While owning my own home has at times been a stressful experience, it is one that I will never regret.
6. Friends. People who you surround yourself with; to vent, build you up, make you laugh, be there when you cry etc. They are your life companions who help you navigate this crazy thing called life.
7. Education. Access to education to enrich your life and broaden your horizons. Education allows you to better yourself and create more opportunities.
8. Senses. Without all 5 senses your life would be significantly harder. Sight- you see the beauty of the world, hearing- you hear voices, songs, rain and laughter, touch- holding a hand, and textures, smell- your favorite perfume, home made meals, and flowers— SMELL THE ROSES!!!! taste- chocolate, spices, sweets, bitters, and sweets.
9. Speech. Your voice is what you have to articulate your feelings, thoughts, a major outlet!
10. Health. If you are lucky to be alive, breathing, healthy, and physically able to be upright and walking around, don’t take it for granted.
11. Mind. It’s your ability to think, remember memories, solve problems and store information.
12. Fears. If you are able to be afraid of something, you are lucky enough to know that there is an opportunity that you passionately want. Your disappointments allow you to know the things that matter the most to you in life.
13. Dreams. ”If your dreams don’t scare you a little bit, they’re probably not big enough”. Whether you fail or succeed the opportunity to go after your dreams is not something you can take lightly.
14. Pets/ Animals. Pets always love you unconditionally. They are your furchild, when you take them on, remember its for life, a companion for life. While you have your life, friends family and other distractions, remember, they only have you. Treat them as you would treat a child.
15. Laughter. It really is the best medicine.
16. Internet. Access to information, education, and to communicate with friends and family who live far away.
17. Books. Ways to lose yourself in other’s world.
18. Music. The way to transform your mood instantaneously.
19. Time. Shows you how far you’ve come, and how much more you still have to come.
20. Enemies. To realize what/who you do not want to be.
21. Random Acts of Kindness. To restore your faith in humanity.
22. Children. To remind you that there is innocence still in the world.
23. Life. You are alive and breathing.
24. Challenges. They show you what you are made of and how strong you truly are.
25. Faith/ Spirituality. Gives you something to believe in when times get hard and you need somewhere to turn.
26. Compassion. You have feelings.
27. Wisdom. Your ability to decide between right and wrong.
28. Nature. The world is beautiful, take a look around.
29. Travel. Your ability to see all aspects of the world and all its beauty.
30. YOU. You are your own person, no one else can be like you, you are unique and special.
BOOM, 30 things to be thankful EVERY DAY.
- 12 months ago
When your grandparents were our age, they had already fought in a world war and won, survived a depression, and finally were married with kids. Our parents, the Baby Boomers, at our age, protested a war, attended the Greatest Music Festival ever-Woodstock, and finally settled down to raise 2 kids in a house with a picket fence and a dog named Spot. So what do we have to offer? Well, we’ve graduated from college, racked up debt, gone through 5 versions of the iPhone, witnessed Lindsay Lohan as a sober ginger, and applied for jobs we believe we are “over qualified” for. Feeling inadequate? Congratulations, welcome to your confusing 20s. It’s kinda like puberty—minus the acne, braces and awkwardness. More so of the hormones, changes, and growing pains.
I think there are 5 pillars for being a 20 something, and for you to officially have your shit together, all 5 have to line up. A perfect balancing act- on a tight rope with the stakes higher than ever. In no particular order, the pillars are: Education, Love, Job, Faith, Friendship. Let’s examine these shall we?
Education: CHECK. Wait, I graduated from college, does that count? Good for you, except now, most jobs applications say “Masters Preferred”. Cool, 4 years of busting my ass for a piece of paper, and now you’re telling me it’s not good enough? So now the question becomes, accumulate more debt by going back to school, or entering the work force, accepting a job you’re not quite sure about, then bouncing around from job to job until something sticks. Education: Scholarly Ellen: D-.
Love: Ummm next? Most 20 somethings are either “shitting or getting off the pot”. Meaning they’re getting engaged to their college girlfriend/boyfriend or breaking up with said person because the relationship outside of the confines of college, really doesn’t work. If you’re a girl you think (most) guys are still too immature, still into the “frat boy life”- meaning they drink too much, play too many video games, and are more concerned with plans for the weekend than life plans. If you’re a guy you believe most women are confusing. Always have been, always will be. And to that, I say touche.
So the pressure is on, Facebook just intensifies these feelings because every time you sign on, your news feed informs you that yet ANOTHER friend has gotten engaged. If you’re anything like me you have a moment of pure panic, thus believing you are indeed going to die alone with multiple cats (even though I hate cats), or you’ll be 40 by the time you finally decide to settle down. Take a deep breath. It’s ok to not have your soulmate locked down yet. Love:Perfect Ellen: Bitter.
Job: CHECK! I’ve had this one locked down for almost 3 years. Corporate, family business. Too bad it’s not at all what I want to do. (Bless you dad for taking pity on me and giving me a job, you’re a real gem). Every job you apply for you’re either under or over qualified for, it’s a catch 22 and a no win situation. Or, you need more education, which means balancing a job, school and managing to have a life in there somewhere. So, you stick with a mediocre job because it pays the bills (the ones that appeared out of thin air and appeared on your door step miraculously). Job: Profitable Ellen: Unhappy.
Faith: Here’s where you decide what you believe in. You’re not sure if the unshakeable faith you grew up with as a child is still that solid. After all you’ve been knocked down a few times and wondered where the “Big Guy Upstairs” was during all this. What do you believe in? The universe? Organized religion? Do you have a relationship with God, or for that matter anything? Religion seems to be a source of wars and conflicts, but our society is changing into a faithless culture, so then what? Also it seems that people now are chastised for their religion, either having to apologize for it or defend it. Someone’s beliefs are offensive so they can’t express them. It’s a tricky situation. This pillar is a hard one- so many conflicting issues to face and it often gets put on a back burner until a moment of crisis. Faith: Questionable Ellen: Lost.
Friendship: They say if a friendship can survive 7 years, it will probably last a lifetime. 7 years seems like a good period of time, a majority of a decade. Especially during these teens to early twenty years when we change the most. High School friendships tend to fade. You move on, attend different universities, find new people who you spend all your time with, and communication becomes less and less. Occasionally seeing them during breaks or when you move home, it becomes difficult to catch up because too much time has passed. College friends are there during some of the highest highs and lowest lows. They are there for extreme times of change, where you finally start growing into yourself. But the older we get, the more important details of friendships become. Quality over quantity. We try to balance these friendships along with everything else in our lives and realize the ones who want to be there make an effort, the ones who can’t make time or put things above it, tend to fall apart, neither party really being at fault. Friendship: Challenging Ellen: Content.
The 5 pillars, a balancing act that requires focus, time, attention and most of your being. 20 somethings are more confused than ever during this time of major change and transitions. But from these challenges, heart breaks, let downs, and triumphs, we find out what we’re made of.
First of all, I hate that I am giving attention to this hotmess. I am giving her exactly what she wants— bad publicity is better than no publicity but I can’t help it. After watching the video “Wrecking Ball” by Miley Cyrus. I can’t wait another second- I have to get this out of my system before I lose my shit.
Yes, Miley Cyrus. For God Sakes, have you lost your mind? Nevermind, that question has answered itself. Congratulations on your VMA performance, you succeeded in proving to the world that you not only are not Hannah Montana anymore, but you are also a hot mess. Seriously. What was the point? All that just to prove that you’re not that girl anymore? Well all you’ve really done is give parents another reason to not allow their children in Show Biz. Put your tongue back in your mouth and put some clothes on. If you’re trying to prove that you’re an individual, you’re mature, or the effects of drugs, whatever it maybe; Here’s a little FYI: you failed, well except for that drug thing, you might be spot on there. Anyways, The little girls who grew up watching you on Hannah Montana are now old enough to watch the MTV VMA’s. Did you even think about your audience? While most people watched in complete disgust, or shock and amusement, there were teenage girls watching. Young, impressionable girls who are already being bombarded with images of what society thinks they are supposed to look like. As if they needed a figure like you, glorifying drugs, sex and an in your face mentality. PS you’re performance? It was a sad attempt at out-doing Lady Gaga, Nicki Minaj and Madonna.
As for your “Wrecking Ball” video, I think you are pathetic. While each thing in your video may be symbolic, I think you could have chosen a better way to express yourself. I listened the lyrics of your song and honestly loved the song. But then I saw the video and thought to myself “Are you serious?”. What was the thought behind this? “Well, I was already kinda naked at the VMAs, and that went really well for me, I might as well get completely naked for this video and swing on a wrecking ball, YEAH! That’s a great idea”. Again, congratulations for gaining publicity and having people talk about you. But not about your song, or lyrics, which should really matter, but your video. Pushing the envelope is one thing but come on. What kind of message are you sending people? Because once you’ve taken it this far, you can’t take it back.
One final question: What is the obsession with your tongue?? Really. Do you think you are Gene Simmons? Again, unoriginal. Good try though.
"Chicks like you give women like us a bad name". (Yes I stole that from a Batman movie, and no I’m not ashamed).
I believe it was John Mayer who said it best, “I rent a room and I fill the spaces with Wood in places to make it feel like home, But all I feel’s alone, It might be a quarter life crisis, Or just the stirring in my soul, Either way I wonder sometimes, About the outcome, Of a still verdictless life”. Pretty deep stuff right there Mr. Mayer. Touche.
Let’s examine this idea of a “Quarter Life Crisis” shall we?
Signs and Symptoms of a Quarter Life Crisis:
1) Your “Career” is pretty much non-existant, you have ZERO ideas about what you’d like to do with the rest of your working life. All you know that is this: Whatever you’re currently doing, IT AIN’T WORKIN’, nor is it paying the bills.
2) This said “job” makes you want to crawl back in bed and wake up in about 1997. It also helps you to fully understand why people take Prozac on a daily basis.
3) Facebook Friends posting vacation pictures, lake pictures, anything that remotely resembles fun, makes you want to jump through your computer and strangle them.
4) Your friends are have babies; purposefully. You are still single. And alone. Ouch.
5) Every time you log on Facebook, another friend is getting engaged, and they keep getting younger and younger. Thus causing you to believe you are going to die alone, or with at least 15 cats.
6) You realize that college, really wasn’t that difficult. Sleep, eat, class, drink, repeat.
7) Hang overs, now require more recovery time than minor surgery. Seriously hang overs can last upwards of 2 days.
8) You look at other people your age and think “Man, I am failing miserably at life right now”…or “I really should get my shit together like (Insert Overachiever’s name)” then you immediately start hating the overachiever more than usual.
9) You’ve spent as much time avoiding the real world as humanly possible; IE you’re STILL in school, went to gradschool, whatever- the point is you’re acquiring as much debt as humanly possible and not thinking about it…
10) Celebrating birthday’s are a no go. No need to celebrate anymore, everything after 21 is insignificant.
Quarter Life Crisis are real. No joke, the super reliable source of Wikipedia defines my issues, I mean Quarter Life Crisis as “The quarterlife crisis is a period of life following the major changes of adolescence, usually ranging from the late teens to the early thirties, in which a person begins to feel doubtful about their own lives, brought on by the stress of becoming an adult. The term was coined by analogy with mid-life crisis.”
Whatever, all I know is this: I wake up in the morning and absolutely hate my alarm clock. In fact if it weren’t my phone, I’d probably chuck it out of the window. I drag my ass out of bed, “get ready” aka brush my teeth, put deodorant on, and pull my hair into a “grafuzz bun”. Drive to work, then stare at the clock and pray to God 9 o’clock turns into 5…..My expressions, demeanor, and attitude all probably resemble something like Daria (vintage MTV show when MTV actually played music….)
But what’s the alternative? Quit my full time job that pays my bills and go to multiple part time jobs? Like what??? I’m sure my parents would be thrilled to know they spent 12 years on private school education, and another 4 on a college degree and I quit my job because I was “unhappy”. THRILLED. I have a feeling that lecture (Lecture #2837, Section A, article 2 paragraph 1) went something like this “Everyone works, you have bills to pay, no one said it was going to be easy, and definitely there was no mention of fun”. Gotcha.
Where the hell is my fairy godmother? Because let me tell you, that bitch is not only late, but she’s got some serious explaining to do…
"Everybody wants to slap your back
wants to shake your hand
when you’re up on top of that mountain
But let one of those rocks give way then you slide back down look up
and see who’s around then”
- Find Out Who Your Friends Are
With all that’s going on in my life right now, more than I personally want to share, I have to admit this. The people who I expected to be there the most? Have let me down, and it has really opened my eyes to who my real friends are.
This blog is really short because I’m not in a great place to talk about things but… I’m going to leave you with these words of wisdom that I recently have come to live by:
"Be careful who you open up to. Only a few people actual care, the rest are just curious".
It’s been awhile, sorry! I know I promised for the new year I’d be better about this, but lay off me I’m trying okay? So, since I’ve been a recluse and hiding, I thought I should show the reasons why I have been MIA.
Recently I have been on a make up/skin obsession. Literally I cannot watch enough youtube videos on contouring/highlighting, flawless foundation, winged eye liner, DIY masks, getting rid of black heads….okay you get the point. Hi, I’m Elle and I’m a YouTube addict. SO here are the following things I have been watching/ buying/ stalking.
1) Wayne Goss Make Up artist. Holy Wow. Seriously obsessed with everything about this guy. His videos are short, sweet and to the point. He has great make up tips. I die for him. Seriously. Any make up I want to do or try, he breaks down, step by step, and makes it super easy to follow. He also lists his products in the description. New videos every 3 days. Cue Rachel Zoe MAJ.
Purchased at Whole Foods. $7 for a tub, comes in a powder form, can mix with either apple cider vinegar or water. Mix until smooth. Smear on your face, wait until it hardens, wait 20ish minutes and rinse with warm water.
5) EOS Lip Balm. Thank you Jesus. Finally, I found a chapstick that I can actually wear without breaking my face out, or filled with something I am allergic to. Hello Eos. You have saved my chapped winter lips! Love that it comes in a sphere, great flavors and scents, not waxy. Comes in a pack of 4! DIE.
6) B Barre Boot Camp. HELLO BURNING AND SHAKING. Longest 60 minutes of my life. Everything hurts, everything burns and everything is shaking. Without the nasty gym and bulk weights.
7) Biotin. Not so much working for my hair, but my nails, have never looked better!!
8) My Black Bow dress. Purchased from Chartreuse Boutique. I have been drooling over this dress since it was first posted. Thanks Suz :)
9) LuLu Lemon No Limit Tank. I can’t even afford this but I stare at it online and hope for it to go on sale. Seriously It’s so perfect and not to mention ridiculously cute. Working out, holds the girls, and it’s functional. I dream to own one of these some day!!
10) LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAST but certainly not least, cheap knock off jewelry. Forever 21. BOOM. Good stuff
OKAY those are what is keeping me busy. Hope you enjoy them as much as I do. BYYYYYYYYYYYYE
So every year we all make new year’s resolutions. We want to lose weight, manage money better, be a better person, find a better job etc. I am no exception. Every year I try to make myself a promise that I’ll get back into shape and start a healthy lifestyle. And every year I fail miserably. By the 3rd day I’m usually hung over, scarfing down fries and draining a diet coke to make my hang over go away. Thus the vicious cycle continues.
BUT! (And this is a huge but, I mean, Kim K style huge!) I’ve vowed to change my lifestyle and so far it’s been working. As of January 1st, I signed up for boot camp at B Barre! 3 days a week (Monday, Wednesday and Friday) I head to class and get my ass kicked. I absolutely LOVE IT. B Barre has changed my whole perspective of working out. It’s a combination of yoga, pilates and a ballet bar. It’s small pulsing movements that fatigue the muscle until your body shakes and muscles burn! They focus on all the problem areas for us girls! Hips, butt, abs and thighs! But they don’t disregard bis,tris, back and everything else. It’s seriously the best work out I’ve had in awhile.
I also am trying to eat clean. Rather than going out and eating out, I’m trying to go to the grocery and buy good, healthy foods. You know the usual: fruits, veggies, salads etc. I’ve also started using my iPhone for a lot of help. I use the my fitness pal app to track how many calories I’ve consumed and how many I have left.
On my off days (Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday) I’ve been trying to go to the gym and get in about 30 minutes of good cardio. Mixing it up with treadmill exercises, ellipticals, walking/running intervals etc. Sundays are my only day off. UNLESS I missed a work out in which case I make up for it.
I swear I can already tell a difference. I have way more energy, I feel better, and my self confidence is coming back! I know I just started but I’m really looking forward to seeing my progress. At the beginning of camp they took our measurements, in 6 weeks after boot camp is over they measure us again. I’m really looking forward to seeing the changes!
I’ve also started a healthy regimen of vitamins: Biotin for my hair, nails and skin, and a multivitamin for everyday! At 23 it’s time to start taking care of myself!
Condo Update: My condo is slowly coming together, just need to finish up the guest bedroom and buy a few more pieces and I’ll be content. I’m really into vintage art and sketches right now. At Zgallerie I purchased 2 vintage sketches of barbie that are to die for. Seriously obsessed with them! I have a few more projects and I think I’ll be able to lay off it and quit spending money!!!
Writing update: I’ve decided if I really want to take my writing seriously I need to start keeping up with my blog more. So I’m going to put a really good effort into writing a new blog at least once a week! I’ve also decided that I should start looking into grad schools. I found a program that offers a masters in fine arts creative writing and I’m really interested in it. So I’ll have to keep you updated on that as well!
Job: Still working for my dad (bless his heart) but due to the new taxes and such, I will probably be looking for a second job soon. Just so I can cover my mortgage, car payment, utilities, HOA fees, groceries and all the other things that it includes in being an adult.
So this year 2013 is going to be a year of changes! I’ve got a lot to look forward to and a lot of opportunities. This year could get really crazy and I’m thinking it’s going to be awesome!