“I don’t like girls”… if I’ve heard this once, I’ve heard it a million times. I’ve never thought of myself as a feminist. Let me start off by saying that. Yes, I hate the stereotype that women belong in a kitchen and not in a boardroom. That 1920’s bullshit is for the birds. Women could rule the world. But one thing stops us; Each other. Carlton (yes from the RHOBH) said it best; “Women could rule the world, if they would only get out of their own way”. Every woman compares herself to the woman next to her. But rather than admiring her for her style, strength, personality etc, we cut each other down and immediately look for reasons NOT to like each other. In a perfect world you’d see a girl walking down the street, well-dressed, in shape, perfect hair, gorgeous make up, smiling and think “wow, that girl looks great, she seems really happy, I wonder where she got that dress?”. But no, instead we think “She must not have kids, who the hell has that much time to spend on their hair?”, “Sheesh, it looks like Crayola gang banged her face she’s got on so much make up” or “Skinny Bitch”. My question is this: FOR WHAT? Why do we do this to each other?
I myself am guilty of it, I’ve done or said those things, I certainly have passed judgment and made snarky comments in my head, or even out loud for that matter. Here’s what I’ve come to- lately I’ve noticed there has been what I like to call some “Girl on Girl Hate”, and it’s got to stop.
“Girl on Girl Hate”: Looking at another female’s life and passing judgment because you either disagree with what they’re doing, don’t understand where they are coming from, or are jealous.
Where does it come from?
Well, here’s one obvious answer, the media. Ever notice how no matter what a woman is doing, whether it’s winning a Nobel Peace Prize, being awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor, or winning The Pulitzer Prize, everyone has a comment about her looks? Their talent, skills, or brain have absolutely nothing to do with the assessment. No, more importantly it’s how does she look. The media has decided that the beauty of a woman can come in many forms, as long as that form looks like a celebrity. But even they are criticized. Kim Kardashian? Ass too big, gained too much weight when she was PREGNANT, lost her baby weight too fast, wears too much make up, she dyed her hair blonde? Trying to look like Beyonce.
*Note: I’m not a Kim K fan, but she’s constantly in tabloids with ridiculous articles like “Kanye won’t look at me until I lose the weight!”. Man, that shit has got to get old, fast.
Anyways, my whole point of that Kim K rant was “Why”. Why are we doing this to each other? Who cares what her hair color is? Who cares if she’s lost her baby weight fast enough?
Why are we focusing on these stupid, minute details? Why aren’t we saying “Good for her, she looks happy and healthy.” PERIOD. STOP TALKING. Don’t say another word. None of this “Well, yeah I could do that too if I had a personal trainer, and a gym in my house and a personal chef cooking every meal for me!”.
It’s this mentality that gets in the way of us women, and it is getting progressively worse. We just keep going after each other and tearing each other down, rather than building one another up. When we do this, we give the world permission to pass judgment on our physical appearances, thus opening the door for criticism of ourselves. Kim K gained 60 lbs during her pregnancy? God forbid you do the same thing while pregnant, and then get offended because someone says the exact same things to you. It’s a boomerang affect. What you throw out into the universe, you get back, and women are throwing some pretty mean, and awful things out at each other. But when it comes back to us? We’re shocked and get our feelings hurt.
I could go on and on and on about this for weeks, months, years even. But I’m not going to, we all get the point. Girl on girl hate has got to stop. So here’s what I’m going to suggest: (myself included)
STOP: The ‘Mean Girl’ Mentality.
- And listen to Salt n’ Pepa “None of your Business” next time you want to call a girl a “slut”, “whore”, “skank” etc. Because guess what IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
- Seeing girls as your competition. Start seeing them as your inspiration.
- Talking shit behind each others backs. You have a problem? Go confront it head on. 99% of the time, the he said/she said is what the problem really is.
- Being judgmental. Don’t throw stones when you live in a glass house.
- Paying attention to what others think about someone, make up your own mind, based on your own experiences.
- Being insecure. Easier said than done, bringing down someone else, is NOT going to make you feel better about yourself. Period.
START: Compliment each other and mean it!
- Like a girls boots, clothes, purse? Rather than staring at it and making a nasty comment about how it “must be nice to have someone buy her that”. GO ASK HER WHERE SHE GOT IT!
- Like a girls make up? Ask her what product she uses, if she got it done, ask who/where she went.
- Like her hair color/style? ASK HER WHERE SHE GETS IT DONE, OR WHO SHE GOES TO.
- Checking a girl out (don’t act like you don’t) and notice she’s in great shape and want her killer arms or legs? Ask her what gym she goes to, or what her exercise regimen is.
Bring back the Girl Power mentality! Lets build each other up and learn to appreciate each other!